The blank space

Harmed in the sphere of biased lives I crept inside

Knowing not the untamed struggle ,I harness my enemies easily

Like a serpents venom and a child’s heart I lived

Facing the blank space of my own desire for venegence

I struggled and struggled victory and death together I pretended

I was a strong window of bolted chains of sorrow

Until I laid my head down under the blank space .

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The summer farewell.

family-quotes-hd-wallpaper-5I was small when I had watched a television commercial which reflected the melancholic child who left his parents for hostel. I remember , the laugh and the critical appreciation I would do as a kid myself. But all our lives we don’t remain the same. Its proven that a human grows at every step. And the realization of a television commercial becoming a part of my daily summer vacations creept me within.And the laugh had changed naturally to the lumps of tears at the time of see off’s.

Well it was the year 2014, and I had come home back from the college which was in the national capital of the country I live. It couldn’t get better on seeing the first sight of my mother at airport . I knew the picture behind her statue pose , restricting herself to spread her arms for me to run to her. Because we have a society she couldn’t.

The happiness of leaving home is the excitement to return back.How true is the writer. Excitement creeps you like cold Peirce’s into a human who is about to die.

The waves of excitement that you experience on crossing half away is not in comparison to any of the worldly happiness. And the way we think its going to end it does, it surely does with tears and immense pride .

My mother and I sat on a porch that very day . Gossiping like never before we ate ,drank ( not liquior because its banned in our house), and a new wave of freshness came within me . It felt as if I had left the paradise after Belzebub had motivated me to return to hell. It felt I was now satisfied about my existence and life that I never ever wanted to leave them again in future. It felt we were blood and it was flowing. And yes we were the infinite blood.

The extra care we receive after a year back home is tremendous. New city had sucked my half of a blood through its veg meal menu available at every step of it .But it was mother who actually gave me my life back. And its not only about the food always , its always the love , affection that the family doesn’t feel less of.

As summer season is washed by winter. And it finds happiness in turning up once again after winter have had its term , my vacations where ended with the re -opining of college and my life was back to a place which made my life nonetheless a void.

{Families are the biggest thing one has. It includes your parents, siblings , and cousins. The rest of the world comes in acquaintance. -beer}

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I watch them as plane goes over the sheets of different blue’s . I look at them from the corner of my right eye. I am not a criminal ; also, the guards carrying with them thick wooden stick for beating either  ,I am just alone ,and an explorer at least I ceased to be.

It was a fine morning when I suddenly decided to tighten my laces of branded shoes and to move out from a room that was closed from all the four sides. It was suffocating now because the window had the newspaper taped from start to end to stop the entrance of little mosquitoes that ;I slept and became the biggest intruders in my reality and world of dreams. The wall was red in colour,which sometimes was happening for having a pleasant  background for pictures when more people were in but sometimes it reminded me of blood ,pain and grief I have had experienced in my coldest night of dreams. It was now rotting,the person inside a well fabricated body was rotting because of the four walls he was caged in. I had to tighten my shoe laces even more stronger.

I left the place in afternoon carrying a side bag and a water bottle because the place I had thought of exploring were full of warm sun rays giving the idea of dryness it brought to my tongue that  was left tasteless,because I hadn’t had anything since morning. I caught the nearest metro and escaped the eyes of people who tagged me as a foreigner just because I was fair in colour and  being a non attention seeker I hated that. I knew they had been looking at my hair that was curly enough to shape my personality as one of the writer’s in town and as accidental it could be it was short too. I knew people in metro pointed at my get up that  was just a jeans and a jacket that I had bought long back when I had been in my home town. They peered through every space they could get ,also from the shoulder’s which were taking the support of a pole in the centre. They thought that I was unaware of there starring but I was aware though I didn’t mimicked them . I kept longing for my station which would be my first place to travel alone and I was excited to know the fate it would bring me.

I walked and stared at the narrow streets where till date at least one billion footsteps would have been marked by our master my being five ,let alone of my family.I stalked an old man’s wooden box covered with a very old white cloth so that the dust of the street would not enhance it’s degradation. I saw him counting something and my eye was directly on the different coins he had collected . They varied from era to era and recent . The one’s which had been expired as a result of new comers in the list. I just smiled and made my way.

I was followed by numerous rickshaw walla’s who thought of robbing me of my wallet ,only be cause they thought I was a tourist and had come to India for vacations. Had they little known about my individuality they would have buried my body into a sac and God knows what more would have I suffered ,had they known I was a Kashmiri. But ,I thank God of my voice and language that I was saved.

I went through lane by lane and entered into a monument which spoke to me. It spoke to me as I turned back to my life and I found hope. I found reasons to continue living and reasons to dream. This was a very strange thing but I could see faces of number of people who have entered in my life and exited . I had an experience of lifetime . I saw how world is filled with people of all types. I then recalled my suffocation in that four cornered room and thought of our master’s job which was to protect this balloon full of gas and I again praised him for I had a perfect life.  While entering this place I met with a peculiar incident  . As a mark of respect people from whichever place and status needed to take the shoe’s off so that the place remains cleaner then before. I did as I was ordered and suddenly a man with Kohl rinsed eyes and a Muslim scarf around his neck and a Muslim hat covering his hair and head approaches me with a smile and a Muslim way of greeting”salaam allaikum”. I said wallai kum salaam,and he asked for 300 rupees.  I was taken aback because I remembered as a kid whenever I went with my family to this place we were never asked to pay a ticket money and also people around me went free of cost. It angered me and I said with a loud voice “kyun bhaya”(why brother?).  To which he showed me a board on which the message was clear cut that only if I was a foreigner or outsider I had to pay them. I sighed and changed my language into my orginal and requested them to believe my individuality.  They happened to accuse me after showing them the skills of my changed dialect ,to lesson the pressure I showed them my I-card and hence I was relieved. The question didn’t come up for paying the sum it was of division between black and white. If I had been born with a black colour would I have been given respect as same to the respect I got while being fair?I just thought and as innocent as I was  the answer was “NO”.

Living in the city where still history rules the present one cannot help but be surprised at the various step wells one finds in the centre. These step wells mark the prison of that time for any ruler who could go beyond the actions. These step wells now were homes and shelters of various pigeons who had flight but needed a voice to shed off the  fear they had from the humans. In the evening that day I went to such  step-well “baoli” which to me was an inspiration. I could write about the well designed hand made walls and could write about the pigeons which went round and round the monument and left the audiences clapping. The sight was so mesmerising that one couldn’t help but start praising at the things he has bestowed us with. I chuckled within myself on a couple who made a romantic pose for a picture memory,had they known the sights the step-well had felt and witnessed they would have romanced in Switzerland rather in ruins which had  been a jail for many like us.

Being a Delhi wall-ah ,one needs to add up a spice in his journey to places his hand made map takes him.Because from a minaret to a bird everything inspires here and one forgets who came as a traveller and who went as an Inspired.

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-Jamia Masjid ,Old Delhi.

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-Ugersen ki baoli ,Hailey road cp.

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Larks and Owls.

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The graffito of life lies with lord
Being a lark my  body rises up ,

It sees the sun rising; praisng the world
Eyes close:light is bright ,

My area between the two eyes; feels sick ,
Something pierces it deep down. ,

Not a bildungsroman, but epic on my life
I watch him struggling to get out ; but din stops him,

Birds chirp , nightangle sings
Why then only my heart cries out loud?

I doze off with the blanket of night,
Owl is left in me , not a man ,

I am now perfect, unaware of false
Only correct dwells me not the conscience ,

Peace is what suits me
And not pain,

Because even night is the purest
Let alone the light glowing,

I am both larks and owls
I am both light and night,

If only I fail in being
Is the human that I lack to be .

Life I presume after I die !!

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Death is so saddening , at a point of realization that we all have to die we actually feel numb and it freak our minds . I sometimes think of death and world as a tale an ancient one that is told to us for not being too much desirous and we as a matter of fact tend to accept it as a ultimate reality ,reality that will never end . But then its our way ,way of humans . The phenomenon of seasons, (winters,monsoons,summers,autumn,springs)and many more things seems to be some kind of things man has created for who is GOD we actually don’t know .So this world actually appears to be like a fairy tale and we are living in its fairy land . But then what is there that has no END ,what is there that has no Beginning ?life is clueless at even next second. Then why doesn’t a human reflect and ponder about death sometime in his existence . maybe we are too supreme beings that we don’t fright death any more ,maybe we have found solutions to protect ourselves from death and that has made us ignorant .But at this journey of my in WordPress where my posts have crossed a century yes (100) I and my heart imagine the story of life after my death ,my presumption i call it :-

1.The news would spread like a wild fire , and i don’t know how much time before i die would i live with my family . being the youngest of siblings my death will leave half dead everyone .my parents would turn  half crazy and they would not find any reason to smile . (which i beg them not to do because life is much more then just living for children’s ,move on i suggest).

2.My belongings would not be given off ,that much i know for my family would keep them as a sign of remembrance,but then at some years or months ahead they might bury them in soil .

3.After my death ,my friends would talk about my wrong doings and right ones and also back bite my disadvantages . but then who really cares for FRIENDS i never had really the real one ‘s (so go on bitches);p .

4.I would be a center of conversations among many people who would have come across me .IF i would have been an office going my firm would take out many words of gratitude on news papers and would also appreciate my work in their on going conversations .

5.Social network sites accounts (twitter,Facebook,whats app) would all be DE-activated and it would say the link is broken .

HOW I WANT IT TO BE LIKE :-

1.My family should not consider it as the ultimate end. for their existence means alot to lord .my family should get over it asap .

2.If successful my books (because i will be a writer and nothing else)should be preserved by the government of at least 6 countries as a mark of respect .

3.I should not die of any disease GOD should let me die in a minute and without pain .

4.I would at least have visited 6 God made countries.

5.I should get enough time with family so that i could repent for all the wrong doings of my existence .

p.s:phew ,my hands were trembling in reality while writing the article .tasting death would be absolutely out of the world . i pray i do not get  a suicidal death nor a premature one . the time lord has allotted for me should be my ultimate .

(on the celebrations of my 100th post ).

The toughest machine!

download (5)If ever I was asked about the one complicated machine that had been ever created my vote would go for the human body not because I belonged to it’s category but no airplane,no telescope,no helicopter is as complicated as the human beings for there are many reasons.

FIRST: first of all the structure is to be praised.How beautifully is it set up.Which engineer,or which scientists would have come across the idea of making a structure that is easily enough to control the world. The eyes that could see the creations of almighty which are so magnificent that even the encyclopedia would fall short of the words.who would have ,other than the God HIMSELF   !download (7)

SECOND: comes the gift bestowed to the human i.e life. Ever pondered about what life is basically?who created it by what intentions?Encyclopedia and thesaurus defines the life as that thing that is alive.but how far is it reality?because even an alive person is dead while he is asleep..but then what is reality?

THIRD:gift of emotions.The roller coaster ride of emotions that human always fights with is the third miracle.what is anger?what is smile?what is euphoria?what are the other jumble groups of many more constant emotions are another set up of miracles that this difficult machine the human body is bestowed with.

FOURTH: struggle,struggling in life is the biggest gamble a human being does in the period of his existence.struggling with anything ranging from work,status ,position,rank or even life while fighting with deadly diseases. Struggle has been there for the poor and rich it sees no status hence its stagnant not shrinking.

FIFTH:‘death‘.human being is born,and raised .it is build up and it shrinks though for others life moves on.but for the individual it is the same story.life is an illusion that seems so beautiful but closer it comes heart wrecked it leaves a person.

Summing up this essay I would conclude that no machine other than human body is as complicated as it is because no machine dies in the end as this does .download (6)