The blank space

Harmed in the sphere of biased lives I crept inside

Knowing not the untamed struggle ,I harness my enemies easily

Like a serpents venom and a child’s heart I lived

Facing the blank space of my own desire for venegence

I struggled and struggled victory and death together I pretended

I was a strong window of bolted chains of sorrow

Until I laid my head down under the blank space .

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That night.

That night oh Beloved , tremors and thunderings,

Past ,present and places ,all on a wall of future ,

Clouds of cirius circumscribed the courtier ,

As some were deep ,calm and others venomous ,

There was a mark of red , a light that often spoke,

Never shone , absent out of the stopping by the fall ,

Flowers bloom with the red , red of the past of the men

Stopping from entering her into the court of herbs.

 

The red colour of venegence wore its space ,

Flowing down the waves like a ritual ,

The flowers embellished into its colour ,

A frightful scent of prejudiced nature ,

Tripping down through a devasted past ,

It held no future in the blank space of the courtiers yard.

The summer farewell.

family-quotes-hd-wallpaper-5I was small when I had watched a television commercial which reflected the melancholic child who left his parents for hostel. I remember , the laugh and the critical appreciation I would do as a kid myself. But all our lives we don’t remain the same. Its proven that a human grows at every step. And the realization of a television commercial becoming a part of my daily summer vacations creept me within.And the laugh had changed naturally to the lumps of tears at the time of see off’s.

Well it was the year 2014, and I had come home back from the college which was in the national capital of the country I live. It couldn’t get better on seeing the first sight of my mother at airport . I knew the picture behind her statue pose , restricting herself to spread her arms for me to run to her. Because we have a society she couldn’t.

The happiness of leaving home is the excitement to return back.How true is the writer. Excitement creeps you like cold Peirce’s into a human who is about to die.

The waves of excitement that you experience on crossing half away is not in comparison to any of the worldly happiness. And the way we think its going to end it does, it surely does with tears and immense pride .

My mother and I sat on a porch that very day . Gossiping like never before we ate ,drank ( not liquior because its banned in our house), and a new wave of freshness came within me . It felt as if I had left the paradise after Belzebub had motivated me to return to hell. It felt I was now satisfied about my existence and life that I never ever wanted to leave them again in future. It felt we were blood and it was flowing. And yes we were the infinite blood.

The extra care we receive after a year back home is tremendous. New city had sucked my half of a blood through its veg meal menu available at every step of it .But it was mother who actually gave me my life back. And its not only about the food always , its always the love , affection that the family doesn’t feel less of.

As summer season is washed by winter. And it finds happiness in turning up once again after winter have had its term , my vacations where ended with the re -opining of college and my life was back to a place which made my life nonetheless a void.

{Families are the biggest thing one has. It includes your parents, siblings , and cousins. The rest of the world comes in acquaintance. -beer}

Larks and Owls.

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The graffito of life lies with lord
Being a lark my  body rises up ,

It sees the sun rising; praisng the world
Eyes close:light is bright ,

My area between the two eyes; feels sick ,
Something pierces it deep down. ,

Not a bildungsroman, but epic on my life
I watch him struggling to get out ; but din stops him,

Birds chirp , nightangle sings
Why then only my heart cries out loud?

I doze off with the blanket of night,
Owl is left in me , not a man ,

I am now perfect, unaware of false
Only correct dwells me not the conscience ,

Peace is what suits me
And not pain,

Because even night is the purest
Let alone the light glowing,

I am both larks and owls
I am both light and night,

If only I fail in being
Is the human that I lack to be .

The little girl !

slum girl

She was having goosebumps and I as an intruder could watch inside of her eyes that dreamt and had been dreaming of the old fairy tale . I wondered :was the Lord biased? Or was He giving? And I had a sigh that was unheard by the crowd .

Aeroplane flied high touching the cover of sky, sky what to say about it . It is magnificient, it is filled with charm but like the land covers the element of inequality high up above .She was watching either the plane or the birds , but she was watching high . Though living in a place where dust and home are equilant , where the purification is no word and where people call the place the slums . But still she looked high at the sky .I went to her as a friend , and a questionaire that was set up by herself , and my conscience . I wanted to ask her what inspired her to look upto the sky and that height without blinking and with continuity . With these questions overflowing my heart second thoughts arose , as to what would be her reaction , what would be her attitude . But then I let it go and approached to her . I remember she was wearing a torn skirt and a skinny shirt and looked mal-nourished . She was black in complexion and her hair was more beautiful than the fake hair actresses wear .

“HIE , I said and she smiled with the circle of  silence that seemed to never end . I broke the silence for I had to ask her and I said :how have you been , my little girl ?

I dont know had she seen in me some familiarity or positivity that she started playing with my hair , started touching my accesories which I wore and gave me smiles all this way .she then started , my name is Lilly , and I live here . I saw you watching me the heights of sky and plane but I can only see and imagine for I cant buy the pen . I was day dreaming about my sitting in that airplane and what more flying it myself . A fairy land had evolved me in the day . I have heard that fairy tales occur mostly at nights but for me day and nights are all same . I am never exposed to anyone but when you came and smiled at me you actually took me out of the fairy land and reality came back to me with a blink , blink that was missing at the begginning .I cannot fly in the sky nor I can travell in plane the thing I can do is sit at one place and watch the heights . That moment she had a call from a woman who was maybe over hearing us . Or maybe who was her mother and at that moment I had a grudge cum question to lord ;

“Creator of us, all merciful , but then why to her the sky is fairy tale and why to us the death? “I had a sobbing and prayed for the protection of the fairy tale of the little girl . ..

Life I presume after I die !!

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Death is so saddening , at a point of realization that we all have to die we actually feel numb and it freak our minds . I sometimes think of death and world as a tale an ancient one that is told to us for not being too much desirous and we as a matter of fact tend to accept it as a ultimate reality ,reality that will never end . But then its our way ,way of humans . The phenomenon of seasons, (winters,monsoons,summers,autumn,springs)and many more things seems to be some kind of things man has created for who is GOD we actually don’t know .So this world actually appears to be like a fairy tale and we are living in its fairy land . But then what is there that has no END ,what is there that has no Beginning ?life is clueless at even next second. Then why doesn’t a human reflect and ponder about death sometime in his existence . maybe we are too supreme beings that we don’t fright death any more ,maybe we have found solutions to protect ourselves from death and that has made us ignorant .But at this journey of my in WordPress where my posts have crossed a century yes (100) I and my heart imagine the story of life after my death ,my presumption i call it :-

1.The news would spread like a wild fire , and i don’t know how much time before i die would i live with my family . being the youngest of siblings my death will leave half dead everyone .my parents would turn  half crazy and they would not find any reason to smile . (which i beg them not to do because life is much more then just living for children’s ,move on i suggest).

2.My belongings would not be given off ,that much i know for my family would keep them as a sign of remembrance,but then at some years or months ahead they might bury them in soil .

3.After my death ,my friends would talk about my wrong doings and right ones and also back bite my disadvantages . but then who really cares for FRIENDS i never had really the real one ‘s (so go on bitches);p .

4.I would be a center of conversations among many people who would have come across me .IF i would have been an office going my firm would take out many words of gratitude on news papers and would also appreciate my work in their on going conversations .

5.Social network sites accounts (twitter,Facebook,whats app) would all be DE-activated and it would say the link is broken .

HOW I WANT IT TO BE LIKE :-

1.My family should not consider it as the ultimate end. for their existence means alot to lord .my family should get over it asap .

2.If successful my books (because i will be a writer and nothing else)should be preserved by the government of at least 6 countries as a mark of respect .

3.I should not die of any disease GOD should let me die in a minute and without pain .

4.I would at least have visited 6 God made countries.

5.I should get enough time with family so that i could repent for all the wrong doings of my existence .

p.s:phew ,my hands were trembling in reality while writing the article .tasting death would be absolutely out of the world . i pray i do not get  a suicidal death nor a premature one . the time lord has allotted for me should be my ultimate .

(on the celebrations of my 100th post ).

LIKE NIGHT LIKE MAN !!

and there will come a time ,when my void feelings would get a shelter under the  happiness of the rays of bright suns!

In the closet of mine ,in a dark empty room
I find a key chain that let me travel in the gloom

For it made me ponder on my miserable times
When i was no less a night but a man .

I lay down ,wrapped under a black sheet
Silver and golden beads sparkled all over me ,

Couldnt find anyone when gave a call to someone
For they had left me alone in the journey of my life.

But i am no timid ,i am no weak
For i let my soul to rest in some solace of its own .

Realizing how many lovers would have gone through me,
Crying and giggling the words of love in the air because of me .

I felt proud because i was the one who was neglected before,
But i saw many couples still dancing on their toes.
Their is a place full of people ,when i tend to cover them with black
They lit the glasses of candle and rejoice .

when they come from long journeys ,
They set there relaxing mode in my army

For perfect it seems for a newly wedded people
To let them express their inner feelings .

But as i say everything has a double face
I am no less for i am no extra

People are there who loathe me
People are there who abhore me,

For i am the one giving them pain
For i am the one giving them no sleep.

Science calls it insomania
I dont have a power to erase it .

I am subsided by the sun rays of the morning
I am ended by the new day of the begginning .

And when my alarm rang
I realized the meaning of life

an abandoned man, and a night
Are a same with no competition .

For a man to be in despair
Is like a night having no light .

So i was once a night but a man,
But i got the new way with the sun shines ! .